Dear lady who was behind me at the red light this morning,

Thank you for not honking at me when I sat at the light a few seconds too long after it turned green because I was an airhead too busy checking my instagram feed to notice the light change. I put my phone in the backseat after that. I appreciate your patience.




Dear Christmas,

I’m not ready yet.

Always and forever,



Dear Winter,

Who invited you? It certainly was not me. I want my beloved fall back.

Without love,



Dear Everyone I know,

How come you haven’t sent me Christmas Cards yet? I know I’m not ready, but is the whole world behind on this this year?

Anxiously awaiting the cheesin faces of your kids to hang on my walls (and I promise that’s not as creepy as it sounds),



Dear fireplace,

Marry me?

Warm Hugs,



Dear Apple Pie,

Thanks for allowing me to emotionally eat you.

You are THE BEST,


apple pie


The Best Ever Apple Pie Ever in the History of Ever 

makes one 9″ pie + one extra disk of dough

Crust (From The Pioneer Woman)


-1 1/2 cups Vegetable Shortening (don’t cringe. If you want the best pie ever ever you have no choice. I apologize to your arteries. If it makes you feel any better, Spectrum Brand makes it organic!)

-3 cups flour

-1 egg, beaten

-5 TBSP cold water

-1 TBSP white vinegar

-1 tsp salt

In a large bowl, cut the shortening into the flour until it resembles crumbs. Stir in all of the other ingredients until it’s a cohesive mass of dough. Separate into three disks, and freeze for 20 minutes or so. While it’s freezing….

Apple Pie Filling


-7 apples (I use a combo of honey crisp and granny smith)

-1 stick unsalted butter

-3 tbsp flour

-1/2 cup sugar

-1/2 cup dark brown sugar

-1 tsp cinnamon

-1/4 tsp nutmeg

While the dough is in the freezer, peel all of the apples. Slice them about 1/4 inch thick and place in a covered bowl to rest while you roll out the dough.

Roll out one disk of dough to about 6″ bigger than your pie plate, and place in the pie plate. Roll out another one to the same size and leave it to the side. Layer the sliced apples in the plate, you will have to mound them (They cook down as the pie bakes).

In a saucepan, melt the butter. Whisk in the flour until you have a paste-like consistency. Add the sugars, cinnamon and nutmeg and mix well. Slowly pour the mixture over the apples, so that it drips down between them. Cover the pie with the upper crust, sealing the edges however you’d like. Cut four air slits in the top of the crust.

In a separate bowl, lightly beat an egg with some water and brush over the top of the crust. Sprinkle with raw sugar if desired.

Bake at 400 for fifteen minutes, and then turn the oven down to 350 and bake for another 45 minutes or so, until the apples are soft. You may need to tent the pie with foil to prevent it from browning too much, I did.





Author: audrey

I bake photograph smile drink sparkling water eat cucumbers& goldfish wake up at 6:30 dance clean have hair with a personality adore kids

8 thoughts on “epistolary

  1. Dear Audrey ~ You are adorable and you make one heck of a mean looking pie…beautiful! I’m sure the lady behind you forgives you. You are not the only one not ready for Christmas yet and not welcoming Winter with open arms. Either all your friends have gone completely green and are not even sending e-Christmas cards or the mailman is just taking his time delivering them to you. Don’t worry cards or not…you are loved :)

    Have a great weekend ~ P.

  2. The most perfect, comforting, wintry looking pie!

  3. could i just use butter…i hate the “fake-ness” of vegetable shortening?

  4. what is the extra disk of dough for?

    • it’s just how the proportions of the crust recipe work out. You can save it in the freezer for the next time you want to make a one crust pie or tart, or you can do what I did and roll it out, use a pizza cutter to cut strips and brush them with melted butter before sprinkling them with cinnamon and sugar. I stuck them in the oven for about 10 minutes until they were golden brown adn delicious!!

  5. thank you! A few more questions (I’m making this for the first time over xmas and a little nervous, hence all the questions so I can get it right):

    1) can i make the dough the night before, does leaving it in the fridge longer than 45 minutes impact the end result of the crust?
    2) what does “tenting” it mean?

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